Whats this sponsor thing? Is it necessary?

A Brief History of Sponsorship

The idea of sponsorship was born in Alcoholics Anonymous, the original Twelve Step Fellowship. Living Sober, an AA publication, describes how the term “sponsor” came about. In the earliest days of A.A., the term “sponsor” was not in the A.A. jargon. Then a few

hospitals in Akron, Ohio, and New York began to accept alcoholics (under that diagnosis) as patients—if a sober A.A. member would agree to “sponsor” the sick man or woman. The sponsor took the patient to the hospital, visited him or her regularly, was present when the patient was discharged, and took the patient home and then to an A.A. meeting. At the meeting, the sponsor introduced the newcomer to other happily nondrinking alcoholics. All through the early months of recovery, the sponsor stood by, ready to answer questions or to listen whenever needed. Sponsorship turned out to be such a good way to help people get established in A.A. that it has become a custom followed throughout the A.A. world, even when hospitalization is not necessary.1

Sponsorship has since become one of the foundations of the recovery programs of all Twelve Step Fellowships and one of the greatest blessings of membership.

What a Sponsor Does

AA defines sponsorship in this way: “An alcoholic who has made some progress in the recovery program shares that experience on a continuous, individual basis with another alcoholic who is attempting to attain or maintain sobriety through A.A.”2 Every sponsor is different, just as each sponsee is different, but certain activities, responsibilities, and obligations are common in sponsor/sponsee relationships. The primary ways in which a sponsor shares his or her experience, strength, and hope to help a sponsee are as follows.

A sponsor helps us work the Twelve Steps by providing explanation, guidance, and encouragement.

Helping a sponsee work the Steps is a sponsor’s most important function. The Twelve Steps are the foundation of AA and other Twelve Step recovery programs. The Steps require us to take action, but they were not meant to be worked alone. In fact, we cannot work them alone if we follow the way the AA Big Book suggests that we work them. The meaning of the Steps and how they are applied to life require explanation and interaction. A sponsor can help us translate the general principles of the Steps (a set of ideas) into the specific activities of our lives (our behavior).

A sponsor can provide some temporary discipline and motivation as well as the ongoing encouragement that we may need to work the Steps. There are times that call for “tough love” in sponsorship. Our sponsors can help us resist looking for an easier, softer way than working the Twelve Steps and applying their principles in our lives. They can confront us on our procrastination and on our unwillingness, when necessary, and help us stay focused on what’s important—Fellowship principles and the work of the Steps.

In an emergency we seek help by calling 911, or if psychologically related we might call our counselor or therapist (if we have one.) At our job we ask our boss questions (or co-workers) and if we need our tonsils taken out - we don't go to the Hair Cuttery. Whats the point?

The point is like in these other areas of life - we need people who have been through similar experiences who can help us through - this is what a sponsor is. They are fellow members in the fellowship who have atleast the following requirements:

1. She/He has what we want - continuous long term sobriety and a spiritual program to live their life. 
2. More recovery time than we do - or experience.
3. They live in the solution NOT the problem. 
4. Consistently works their own program - meaning they have their own sponsor.
5. They have worked all twelve steps and (ideally) tradtions) so that they practice the program in there life outside of the program.
6.     Makes themselves avaliable for daily phone calls (especially in times of emergency)
   These offer only a few of the suggestions regarding sponsorship, while it is important to get a sponsorship you feel comfortable with and trust - in my experience waiting to find that "perfect" sponsor set me up for a "perfect" relapse. Get a temporary sponsor in the meantime and let them know they are temporary. This is a program of honesty so being able to be honest with your sposnors is 100% essensial. 

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 In college were given advisers, in high school guidance counselors, and in life parents. When we need further assistance, life coaches or instructors (aka teachers) are the people who seek for advice on the subject, topic at hand right? For example if I have a cold - I wouldn't go to an electrician, I would go to a doctor. 

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Do you have to have a sponsor?

Why does your sponsor have to be the same gender as you?

Many AA and other Twelve Step Fellowship members will not agree with the detailed suggestions and commentaries in this book, although I believe they will largely agree with its four major points. Those points are as follows:

1.     The primary responsibility of sponsors is to help their sponsees work the Twelve Steps.

2.     A sponsor and sponsee have an obligation to discuss their mutual expectations, objectives, and requirements, if any, regarding the sponsorship relationship before they enter into that relationship.

3.     A sponsor shares his or her experience, strength, and hope with his or her sponsee rather than trying to run the sponsee’s life.

4.     A sponsor must never take advantage of a sponsee in any way.

Sponsorship is intensely, wonderfully personal. Each of us brings our own ideas, strengths, and weaknesses to it as both sponsors and sponsees. No one is an “ideal” sponsor and no one is a “perfect” sponsee. 

As with all teacher/student relationships, it is difficult to tell who learns more: the sponsor or the sponsee.

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What is the purpose of a sponsor? A sponsor helps us get established quickly in our Fellowship by explaining basic concepts and terminology and by introducing us to other members. What Does a Sponsor Do?

In some ways, a sponsor is like a good friend, a wise teacher, a private tutor, a favorite uncle, a seasoned mentor, an experienced guide, and that older brother or sister we always wanted but never had. Sponsorship, which includes aspects of all these roles, is nevertheless unique. A sponsor is someone who has been where we want to go in our Twelve Step program and knows something about how we can get there. His or her primary responsibility is to help us work the Twelve Steps by applying their principles to our lives. Sponsorship is a basic part of belonging to a Twelve Step Fellowship and potentially one of its richest experiences. Sponsorship can be, like friendship, one of life’s great blessings.

A sponsor’s primary responsibility is to help a sponsee work the Twelve Steps.

But sponsorship can also be a scary experience, at least at first. We become vulnerable whether we want to or not. We take on responsibilities and develop expectations. We take risks. We reveal who we are and unload our secrets. We let another person into our lives in an honest and intimate way. We drop our facade. It can be frightening as well as exhilarating to trust another human being and to build a relationship with him or her.

This chapter describes some of the reasons for overcoming a natural reluctance we have to share our lives and our secrets with another human being. It explains what a sponsor does and, therefore, why it’s important to have one. But first . . .